The Cultivation of Clark Kent by Mlle Elizabeth
June 8
Handwritten anonymous note, left on a table at the Talon and retrieved by Martha Kent:
I don't know what a bigwig like him would see in such a dorky farmboy. The Kent boy's not bad looking, it's true, but he's a nobody, even here in Smallville and he has no manners! Once when I was at their farm to pick up organic fertilizer for my rose garden, I saw him guzzling milk right out of the carton! My Frankie would never do anything that tacky!
^^^^
June 8
Email from PlayaPete@sbcglobal.net to CKent417@aol.com:
Dude! I hate you. I'm supposed to be your best friend. How come you didn't tell me Lex was taking you to the Sharks' training camp for a visit this summer? And the pre-season gala. Chloe was all I know something you don't know, but I threatened to tell her dad about all of us partying on champagne at Lex's last week so she spilled the beans. Call me.
Pete
^^^^^
June 8
Handwritten note fastened to the Kent refrigerator with a magnetized plastic pie wedge:
Jon,
I had some more errands to run this afternoon - be back around 3. I think Clark said he was going to be "hanging out" at Lex's. We need to talk about this. Don't eat the lemon bars they're for the community center bake sale.
M
^^^^
June 10
Email from Ckent417@aol.com to Csullivan@torch.org:
What have you been telling people about me? Is this some prank you and Lana dreamed up? Pete says everyone's talking about me and Lex and not in a good way and Mom says she wants to ship me off to stay with my grandfather, who nobody in our family even speaks to for the summer. My parents aren't going to let me go anywhere with Lex unless I "straighten up." If I miss the training camp thing because of you, I swear I'll never speak to you again.
^^^^
June 10
Email from Csullivan@torch.org to Ckent417@aol.com:
Clark!!! I didn't say anything about you to anyone. Well, okay to Pete yeah but I thought he already knew about your trip. Who's been saying what about you? Want me to investigate?
Chloe
^^^^
June 15
Letter from William Clark to Martha Kent:
Martha,
It's always such a delight to hear from you. No matter how strained our relationship may be, you will always be my daughter.
I was, however, quite taken aback by your request. While I understand your reluctance to ask Nell, despite her experience in relationships with Luthors. You are quite right that her own niece is still considered one of the frontrunners in the contest for young Mr. Luthor's heart and bank account by most of Metropolis society. Are you actually telling me that your boorish lout of a husband agreed to allow your son to visit me this summer? And do you mean to tell me that you both truly wish that I teach Clark to behave like a young gentleman? Of course, I have no objection to attempting to influence the boy, but I am not altogether sure even I can counteract 13 years of ingrained stubbornness and barnyard-style etiquette. I will do my best. Send the boy to me next week.
Your father
^^^
June 18
Email from Csullivan@torch.org to Ckent417@aol.com:
Great News!!!! After orientation I get to stay at Met U for freshman journalism camp! We can party together all July!!!!1!! WOOHOO!
^^^^
June 22
Email from Ckent417@aol.com to PlayaPete@sbcglobal.net:
This bites.
I can't see Lex or talk to him on the phone. I get 30 minutes of computer time a day, so feel honored I'm writing you. He won't even let me hang with Chloe. I've been here less than 24 hours and I am already starving to death. We had some kind of nasty, weird little birds for dinner. Bones and all!!!! It was so gross!!! Send Pie!!!!! Send Pizza!!!!
Help!!!!!!!!!
CK
^^^^
June 27
Email from LexL@Luthorcorp.com to LuckyLucas@earthlink.net:
Hey, little brother -
I may drop by the beach house next month. I could use some entertainment. This summer's been hopelessly boring. All the parties are so dull. And the Kents won't let me see C. They sent him off to his grandfather, probably for further anti-Luthor indoctrination. Let me know what your plans are.
Lex
^^^^
June 28
Email from Ckent417@aol.com to PlayaPete@sbcglobal.net:
You know that show Lana talks about all the time? The one where they throw away all your clothes and then make you buy a bunch of stupid, ugly old people clothes? I thought I was on it, yesterday. I have two pairs of jeans left. Two! And both of them are dorky dark blue and look like some geek with a starch fetish would wear them. Grandpa had this really mean chick come over and she really did throw away almost all my clothes. Then she made my life a total living HELL! She made me put on like 50 different pairs of itchy wool pants. Lex's pants are never itchy. Not that I've been touching his pants or anything! But he never scratches. Why do I have to wear itchy pants? And these shirts are just gross. I feel like I'm being strangled. Don't even get me started on the shoes!
Do not write me back to remind me how good you have it. Or I will make you feel my pain!
CK
^^^^
June 29
Email from PlayaPete@sbcglobal.net to Ckent417@aol.com:
Want me to send you some of the red stuff?
^^^^
June 29
Email from Ckent417@aol.com to PlayaPete@sbcglobal.net:
Better not. My grandfather opens all my mail.
He did finally say Chloe could come over tomorrow, so at least I'll have a witness to the torture.
CK
^^^^
July 2
Letter from Lex Luthor to William Clark:
Dear Mr. Clark,
I am writing with the permission of Martha Kent. I understand that their son, Clark, is spending his summer vacation visiting you in Metropolis. I hope that you are both having a very enjoyable visit. I do not wish to intrude upon your time together.
However, Mrs. Kent assured me that, with your permission, I might be able to spend an afternoon in both your company. Would you please be my guests next week at the Metropolis Club for lunch? I thought Clark might enjoy a game of squash.
Sincerely,
Lex Luthor
^^^^
July 4
Email from Ckent417@aol.com to PlayaPete@sbcglobal.net:
Still forced to wear itchy clothes and starving to death. Grandpa PigFace and his Evil Minions make me practice some utter bs they call small talk for hours every afternoon. Like anyone could care less about so and so's stupid business or who's running for what office or this Dow Jones dude they keep bringing up. It totally sucks. And I am still starving. All they feed me are slimy fish eggs and lobsters and stuff. And I only get to eat the lobster if I can get it out of its stupid shell by myself without making a mess. The new itchy clothes I have to wear aren't even tight on me anymore. I'm trying to figure out how to use my superspeed to sneak into the kitchen for crackers or something when he's on the phone and has his back to me.
Good news, though. Someone is listening to at least some of my prayers cuz I get sprung from this jail for one afternoon this week. The only bad part is, I think they are going to make me eat squash. I hate squash worse than peas! Gag! But at least I get to see Lex for a couple of hours and maybe they will have some burgers or something. I'd give anything for real food.
Chloe says Hi! She is really wrapped up in journalism camp at Met U and that's all she could talk about. I think her chattering pretty much drove Grandpa crazy. He locked himself in his office with a big bottle of scotch.
So what's going on back in the hometown? I haven't heard much from you lately. New hot babe, maybe? Just stay away from the ones that like the color green!
CK
July 7
Letter from William Clark to Martha Kent:
Dear Martha,
I'm afraid your suspicions are correct. There is no denying their affection for each other. They cavorted around the squash court eyeing each other like lovesick teenagers. It was difficult to separate them at the end of the day. Fortunately, Mr. Luthor's good sense prevailed and Clark was convinced to get in the car and come home.
It reminds me of the time I took your mother on that romantic Caribbean cruise when we were newlyweds. Your mother had that same look in her eyes as we danced under the stars to waltzes after the Captain's dinner on the last night. Oh, she was a lovely vision! She wore a royal blue gown and pearls. But I digress.
Clark is making progress, albeit slowly. I believe it would be acceptable to allow him to attend one or two days of the training camp as young Mr. Luthor's friend. If that goes well, then we can discuss the Pre-Season Gala. Of course, attending that together will broadcast to all of Metropolis society that the boys are considerably more than friends. It is your decision, of course. Please advise.
Father
^^^^
July 12
Letter from Martha Kent to William Clark:
Dear Father,
I have Mother's scrapbook. She once told me the only cruise you ever took her on was for your twentieth anniversary. And it was a Mediterranean cruise. I have pictures from the Captain's party on the final evening and her dress was green. You're right, though, that she was a lovely vision. I still miss her very much.
I agree that Clark may attend a couple of days of the training camp. Please let me know how that goes and we'll go from there.
Love,
Martha
^^^^
July 14
Email from LexL@Luthorcorp.com to LuckyLucas@earthlink.net:
Change of plans.
The Kents are going to let me take Clark to some of the training camp, so I can only come for a couple of days. Do stock up the liquor cabinet and invite some interesting friends. Anything to escape this boredom!
Lex
^^^^
July 14
Email from Ckent417@aol.com to PlayaPete@sbcglobal.net:
Yay!!! I got busted out of HELL for two days! Grandpa says I can go with Lex to the Sharks' training camp! Envy me!!!!!!
Ps I heard Lana was in Metropolis taking ice skating lessons. Do you know what's up with that? I thought she was into horseback riding.
CK
^^^^
July 19
Email from Ckent417@aol.com to PlayPete@sbcglobal.net:
Best two days of my life, dude! Best ever! They even let me suit up and run some fake plays on the field. I got to see everyone and everything! Even the room where they lock up game plans and secret plays and stuff. IT WAS TOO EFFIN' COOL!!!!
Lex was totally cool about everything the whole time. He even knew the first string, quarterback, yes - Matt Williams himself - so we got to toss balls together and then go out for burgers!
Plus I found out that Lana got caught making out with her ice skating teacher by Nell! There was a picture of him in the Inquisitor with an article about him getting fired over the scandal. I guess she thought he was a hottie. She's grounded for the rest of the summer. I kind of feel for her, but .... NOT!
CK
^^^^
July 20
Letter from William Clark to Martha Kent:
Dear Martha,
Your son behaved himself fairly well this week, though there is of course room for improvement. Before he departed, Mr. Luthor asked me to let him know if Clark would be able to join him for the Pre-Season Gala on August 7th. I am hesitant to grant permission. While Clark has worked hard this summer, I fear he will not handle the attention of the media very well. However, the final decision must be yours and, I admit with reluctance, your husband's.
Father
^^^^
July 25
Letter from Martha Kent to William Clark:
Dear Father,
Thank you so much for allowing Clark to stay with you this summer and for imparting a little Metropolitan sophistication to him. I really do appreciate your efforts and I am very relieved to hear things have gone well. Clark has always been a good student, even though he gripes as much as any teenage boy.
I understand your misgivings about the press at the Gala, but, as you know, Clark's handled worse here in Smallville. I think it will be all right to let him go. I truly believe Lex is a good boy and I hope that Clark can offset some of Lionel's influence on Lex.
And after all, if things really are the way you think they are, it would be unfair to keep them apart. Consider my permission granted.
Love,
Martha
July 25
Letter from Martha Kent to Clark Kent:
Dear Clark,
I hope that you have enjoyed your visit with your grandpa this summer! I know it's been hard on you and I want you to know how much we appreciate your spending some time with him. It was time the two of you got to know each other. All right, I know you are shaking your head, so yes, your father objected a little. He is still the same stubborn Jonathan Kent I love! Your father and I miss you very much and look forward to having you back home with us for a couple of weeks before you start college.
Grandpa Clark wrote and asked if you could go to the Sharks' Pre-Season Gala with Lex. Your father and I have discussed it, and have decided you may go. But Clark, I don't need to remind you that there will be reporters all over the place, and that you MUST be careful while you are there.
So just be careful, and have a good time!
Love,
Mom
^^^^
July 28
Email from LexL@Luthorcorp.com to LuckyLucas@earthlink.net:
Sorry I was so distracted last weekend. I didn't mean to put such a damper on our little soiree. My mind is completely elsewhere. Please apologize to your friends for me.
Lex
^^^^
August 8
Email from Csullivan@torch.org to PlayaPete@sbcglobal.net
Pete!!!! Have you heard from Clark? Do you know what happened last night? The Inquisitor just says Lex stomped out of the Gala dragging Clark behind him. Did they have a fight?
^^^^
August 7
Email from PlayPete@sbcglobal.net to Csullivan@torch.org
Yeah he emailed me, all bummed out. He sez he doesn't know what happened. Everything was going great and they were having a good time and then Lex not only dragged him out but drove him all the way back to Smallville without speaking to him once. I always knew that guy was no good!
^^^^
August 7
Private locked Post to www.livejournal.com/user/lex
When did C grow up? How did I miss it? He was still just a kid, even at the training camp. But tonight ... God! He made the cream of Metropolis society look like a bunch of buffoons. And yet, he's still C, deep down. Still shy and charming in a way that only C could ever manage. And still so gorgeous. He lights up the whole room, every time he smiles. I missed him so much this summer. I can't live without him.
^^^^
August 8
Letter from Lex Luthor to Martha and Jonathan Kent:
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Kent,
Please accept my sincere apologies for any distress I may have caused you and Clark yesterday evening. You deserve an explanation for my returning your son to you two days early and my abrupt departure afterwards.
I know that Clark was quite unhappy to leave the Gala early. It was not my intention to hurt Clark's feelings. On the contrary, at the time, I did not think I could possibly care more about his feelings than I did.
It is my hope that you will graciously allow Clark to share my home in Metropolis when he begins college in two weeks. I understand you might have some misgivings about such an arrangement. I assure you, with all my heart, that my intentions toward your son are completely honorable. If Clark was a few years older and the laws of the State of Kansas would allow it, I would ask him to marry me today.
With greatest regards,
Lex Luthor
^^^^
September 26
Handwritten note inside a box delivered by UPS Overnight Delivery
Lex,
Clark sounded so homesick on the phone last night that I thought I better make him a little something. The apple pie is good reheated, but the cherry is best as is. The extra muffins can go in the freezer if there are any. The snickerdoodles are for you. Please make sure he's going to class and studying.
Love you both!
M