Title: CoffeeBreak Part 23A.1/?

Rating: NC-17
Comments: Written for The Cube's Spontaneous Cubustrion Challenge.
This is badfic, meaning it is intended as parody and is intentionally unbeta read.
Title: Coffee Break - Part 23a.1/?
Author: Mlle Elizabeth
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: The X-Files and its characters belong to Chris Carter and FOX.

Author's Note: Sorry this has taken me so long to post. I hope you all haven't forgotten where I left off! I know 6 years is a long time, but there was stuff going on and I had to write all those other stories. I think maybe the parts to this story have gotten out of order. Since none of the parrts of Part 16 posted, I combined it partly into Part 8 and Part of it will be in another part I will post later. Sorry!!!1! Also, I think Part 12 was posted three times, once as Part 12 and twice as Part 8b. And there were two Part 8bs. But I think it is okay now. Sorry for the confusion. Also, give me feeback or I will never, ever ever right anymore of Coffee Break and I will de-friend you all on LJ and never talk to any of you again and that will make you all feel really bad! LOL Just kidding! I love you all!!!!!111!! Oh, I especially want to thank the grocery store checker who told me that I could get Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets 4 dollars cheaper at Borders than at Blockbuster, which is like just across the street from Borders. It was $22.99 at Blockbuster and $18.99 at Borders. He said that it was even cheaper at Best Buy (I think it was like, $15.99 at Best Buy, but I can't remember for sure.), but Id din't want to go all the way over to Best Buy and wait in that long line just to get it, so I bought it at Borders. n e way. Here is the next part of this story. This part has my favorite song, ever in it, because I know that is what Mulder would sing to Krycek. But I can't tell you why he sings it because that might spoil it for you. Oh, oh, oh, I put some of y'all in some of the upcoming parts. ;) I hope that is okay! Hee!

Coffee Break Part 23a.1/?

Mulder looked around him in surprise. He was sitting at King Arthur's round table at Camelot. He could tell this because there was a man with a white beard with a medieval looking clothes on and swords and those shie3ld things and stuff all around him and more men with swords and stuff sitting at the table with him and they were all singing and drinking and kissing each other. He did not see his Baby Rat anywhere, so he was sad. The man with the white beard said "This is your quest. You must take this weapon and kill the dragon and when you return the Princess Alexandera will be yours." The weapon did not look like a weapon. It had 6 sides and was gold on 3 of them and silver on 3 of them. It looked like a cube. Mulder took the weapon from the white haired man and tried to figure out what to do with it.

Suddenly, Scully came back from the coffee bar in the FBI cafeteria clutching 2 searing hot cups of super strong FBI coffee. That was all she or Mulder ever drank or ate at work. Coffee.

Scully sat down and gave one of the cups of coffe too Mulder. Would you like some sugar? Scully asked.

"Yes, I would like some sugar." said mulder.

How many cubes of sugar would you like asked Scully?

"I would liek 1 cube of sguar, said Mulder.

"Okay." siad Scully and she gave Mulder one cube of sugar. Then she put 15 cubes of sugar in her own coffee. Because Scully always put lots of sugar in her coffee. They were still sitting at a little table with a white formica top and a jar with sugar cubes and another jar with packets of non-dariy creamer in it, but niether of them used that because they only put sugar in their coffee, if they even put sugar in it. Mostly they just drank lots and lots of really strong coffee.

"So, are you going to meet Krycek after work?" asked Scully. Mulder was happy because Scully was no longer a psychobitch trying to kill his Rat Baby. Now Scully liked Alex Krycek and wanted them to be happy together foreever. Scully was a much better person since she had been through the "Overcoming Your Inner Psychobitch" course after she had been kidnapped and tortured by Jules.

"No." said Mulder.

Then Skinner walked up to their table looking all harsh and authoritative and holding a bunch of 302s an expense reports in his hand. "Mulder you have to come up to my office right now and explain all these weird expenses!" shouted Skinner. Everyone in the FBI cafeteria looked over at them and laughed because they knew that Skinner was always yelling at Mulder about his weird expense reports and they thought it was funny. So they laughed. When the laughter got a little quieter, Skinner started yelling again. "Why did you put alien dolls on your expense report?" screamed Skinner. He had forgotten that he wanted Mulder to come to his office so that he could yell at him about his expense reports. Really Skinner wanted Mulder to come to his office so that he could be alone with him and pretend that Mulder loved him, because Skinner was jealous of Alex Kryeck and it drove him crazy and all he could do all day was thing about how he wanted to kiss Mulder's pouty lips and put his cock between those pouty lips and have Mulder suck his cock because that would be so hot. But Mulder wouldn't do that becasue he loved Alex Kryeck. Besides, Skinner was really in love with Scully, so it didn't matter anyway.

"They were models," said Mulder. "And I needed them to prove that there were really aliens in that bowling alley." Mulder stayed calm looking on the outside, but inside he was fuming. How dare Skinner accuse him of buying dolls! He knew that Skinner was just yelling at him because he wanted to make a fool out of him and make everyone in the FBI cafeteria laugh at him. Because Skinner was jealous of Alex Krycek and was going crazy because of it.

Mulder sat back down.

Skinner left the FBI cafeteria.

"Oh look!" said Scuilly, there is your Lexy-wexy!"

Mulder turned to look.

There he saw the most beautiful pair of green eyes he had ever seen. Buyt they were the same beautiful green eyes he saw every night since he quit beating up Alex Kryeck. Mulder jumped up frm the little formica table.

"Rat Baby! You are here!" Mulder exlaimed. He jumped up from the table.

"I had to come see you. There is a problem." said Alex.

"Oh no, darling, what could it be? Are you hurt? Do you need me to comfort you?"

"Yes, I stubbed my toe on one of Samteena's toys and we are out of diapers. Plus, I missed you and I wanted to get you in a supply closet and fuck you." "So, is the problem an X-file? asked Scully? "Are there aliens and stuff. She started to get out a bunch of tests tuybes and science stuff so that she could analyze everything. Because Scully liked to analyze everthing and she was a doctor and stuff.

"What toy did you stub your poor iddle toe on, Rat Baby?" asked Mulder.

It was one of those cube shaped things. I don't wknow what you call them. We didn't have them in the stark, cold Consortium orphanage in Russia that I was raised in. So I don't know what any toys are called." said Krycke,

"Those are blocks." said scully, helpfully, because she liked to be helpful now that she no longer hated Alex Kryeck and wanted to tear his pretty green eyes out because he loved Mulder and had killed Mulder's father and killed her sister Melissa (maybe) and helped her be adbudcted and done all those bad things.

"Oh," said Krycek.

"Let me kiss your iddle toe-ikins and make it better," said Mulder and he got down on the floor and took off Kryeck's shoe and socks and kissed his toe better.

"That is better." said Kryeck."But what are we going to do about Samteena's diapers?"

"I guess we will have to buy some more" said Mulder.

"Okay. I will go get some diapers from the store."

"Do you want to get Married?" asked Mulder, dropping on one knee and handing Krycek a box he had just pulled out of his pocket that had a beautiful ring in it.

Krycek started crying because he had always wanted to get married to Fox Mulder and especially since the aliens made him get pregnant with Mulder's baby the first time and even more now that he was pregnant with a second Mulder baby. But Mulder didn't know about he seconmd baby because Krycek hadn't told him yet. He wanted to take him to a romantic weekend at their cabin in the moutains and tell him all about it next weekend and then when he was done rub his cock all over Mulder's and suck his balls because he was all horny because he was pregnant again. So Mulder just watched him cry and figured it was because Kryeck was so happy that Mulder had asked him to marry him because he had wanted to be married to Mulder for so long.

"Yes." said Kryeck when he finished crying.

Mulder wanted to make his Rat Baby feel extra special at the time of their engagement. So he got off the floor of the FBI cafeteria and sang to Krycek:

Love, soft as an easy chair,
love, fresh as the morning air.
One love that is shared by two,
I have found with you.
Like a rose under the April snow
I was always certain love would grow.
Love, ageless and evergreen
seldom seen by two.

Krycek cried again. Then he sang back:

You and I will make each night a first
every day a beginning.
Spirits rise and their dance is unrehearsed
they warm and excite us
cause we have the brightest love,
two lights that shine as one.
Morning glory and the midnight sun.
Time, we've learned to sail above,
time can't change the meaning of
one love ageless and ever, evergreen.

Then they kissed in front of the whole FBI in the cafeteria.

"We must go tell Victoria." said Mulder.

Ambrosia Victoria was sitting in her cubicle in the FBI buidling where she was piecing together all of teh clues Mulder and Scully had tried to put together for so many years. She brushed her raven long hair back and opened her huge blue eyes to see Mulder and Kryeck walking down the hall together. I am so glad I got them to quit fighting and realize that they loved each other and watned to have hot gay sex together, thought Ambrosia Victoria. But all her friends called her Victoria most of the time, but sometimes they called her Torie for short.

"Torie! We are going to get married!" said Mulder.

"Will you be our bridesmaid and Scully can be the other bridesmaid." asked Alex. Then he started crying again.

"Yes. I will be your bridesmaid. I must go talk to Scully about dresses becaause we have to look good next to you." Said Victoria Amborsia.

Before she left to talk to Scully about bridesmaids dresses, she picked up a file off her desk. "Here is a file from my desk." said Ambroisa Victoriar. "It has the solution to everyting that bad Cigarette Smoking Man was doing to you and here is where your sister lives. She is find. She will be so happy that you named Samteena partly after her and partly after your mother, who was really kind of a bitch and is now dead because that bad Cigarette Smoking Man tortgured here. So then Victoria Ambroisa went to talk to scully about bridesmaids dresses. They decided to wear this one here: because it was green and they both had beautiful hair and it would look god withj it. Ambrosai Victoria was not jealous of how beautiful Scully was, because she was so beautiful too and all the men at the FBI loved her even though they were all gay and besides, she was not at all egotistical because she knew she was so smart and so beautiful so they were going to wear this dress because it had a flouncy skirt and was green and had a corsette top and they woudl both be so beautiful in it. Plus they would look really sexy in it and it would go with her new shoes.

Fox said to Alex, "let's go home and have sex."

"Okay." said Alex. So they went home to their cozy little house that they had bought with the money that Alex had stolen from the Consortium and ordered pizza because they only ever ate pizze or chinese food for dinner and Alex called the pizza place and ordered an extra large with extra cheese, pepperoni, sausage and hamburger because they were men and men like to eat lots of meat and they especially wanted to eat each other's meat. Hee! So after the pizza came they ate it and watched basketball and changed Samteena's diapers and sat on the floor and played with her because they had remembered to stop and get diapers on the way home and they played with the toys Alex still called those cube things but really like Scully had told him they were blocks and then Alex got all sad because they didn't have blocks in the Consortium Orphanage he grew up in in Russia and he never got to play there at all they just rained him to be a killer and spy and all and so he didn't know how to play with the blocks.

Mulder felt really bad for Kryeck because he didn't know how to play with the blocks. So he kissed him with his pouty lips and swirled his tongue around his Rat Baby's mouth and explored every cavity and filling and then they had to stop to breath a little. So Kryeck ripped Mulder's Clothes off and Mulder screamed couch! So they got on the couch and Kryeck kept on ripping Mulder's clothes off and then he sucked on Mulder's right nipple for a while. Mulder really liked that. Mulder mewled. Because he liked that so much. And both their cocks were hot and hard and ready so Kryeck siad "please, Fox, fuck me!" to Mulder. Mulder was still extra careful when he was fucking Krycek because of all of the times he had been raped and Mulder was scared he still might be a little sore and all. Plus Mulder had a huge penis.

So Mulder inserted one finger into Krycek's ass and moved it around for a while and then he put another finger in and finally a third. Kryeck was writing in exquistie. "Oh, God, Mulder! Please, please fuck me know!" said Kryeck.

Mulder got a condom off the coffee table and put it on himself and got some lube from somewhere and put it on himself and then he slowly put his huge cock in Kryeck's ass. Mulder pounded and pounded his huge cock in Kryeck's ass hole.

"Oh, Alex, my Rat Baby!" screamed Mulder. "I love fucking you" Krycek tried to pump his own throbbing cock with his hand, because he was about to come and he wanted to come while Mulder was still fucking him but Mulder swatted his hand away and growled "mind" and storked Krycek's hot, throbbing cock until he came and spewed big globs of sticky milky white cum all over their couch and then Mulder felt his own orgams begin and screamed "fuck! Krycek! and came inside his beautiful lover's ass and came and came and came and then he passed out.

The next morning, Kryeck woke Mulder up by licking his cock. He licked it like it was a popsickle or an ice cream cone. or something. he took both of mulder's balls in his mouth and sucked on them. Then he took Mulder's whole huge giant cock in his mouth and down his throat and suck on him til he came.

"That was nice," said Mulder.

"I have to go to work at my new job as an upstanding member of society now that you have reformed me." said Kryeck.

"Okay. I have to go to the FBI building and put up with Skinner yelling at me and all the people calling me names and laughing at me." said Mulder.

Mulder went to the FBI building in his beautiful Armani suit. He sat at his desk playing with pencils and looking at porn until Scully came in. She had a box in her hand that was wrapped in really pretty paper with a bow on it. She put the box on Mulder's desk.

"What is that?" asked Mulder.

"It's a box." said Scully.

"I can see that," said Mulder. Because he was sometimes sarcastic.

"It is a present for you. An engagement present. But it's really for Alex more than you. I will buy you a case of lube for your engagement, because I am all okay with you being in love with the man who killed my sister now."

"Can I open it?" asked Mulder.

"Let's wait until we go on our coffe break and then maybek Krycke wiull show up again and you can both open it."

So they went to the FBI cafeteria to have their coffee break. Scully got them two big steaming cups of hot super strong FBI coffee. She didn't have any sugar cubes this time. She had sugar packets instead of sugar cubes. She was wearing very high heels and a suit. She asked Mulder if he would like any sugar.

He said that he would not like any sugar today. He was still tired from having sex with Alex Kryeck for hours and hours and hours the night before. He could barely walk. He asked Scully about her bridesmaids dress.

"Oh, Victoria Ambroisa picked out the most beautiful dress because she has the best taste and you will love it! It has a fluffy green skirt and it's green and has sequins and it will look good with my red hair and her long thick raven colored hair and neither of us will be jealous of each other or try to steal each other's boyfriends or anything.

"I am going to call Alex and see if he can come by for our coffee break," said Mulder. Because Krycek had not shown up yet and Mulder was missing him and wanted to see him and hodl him and kiss him. So he called Kryeck at his job and asked him if he could come join them for their coffee break at the FBI cafeteria because sometimes Kryeck could get away from his job and join them there fore a coffee break. So he called Kryeck.

"Hello." said Kryeck.

"Hello." said Fox.

"Is everything okay?" asked Kryeck.

"Yes. Everything is fine said mulder. "Can you come to the FBI cafeteria for our coffee break today?"

"yes said Kryeck. So he hung up the phone and got in his sleek black car because even though he was no longer a triple agent or assasin or spy and didn't kill people or spy on them any more or anything because h3e was in love with Mulder and they were together and not hitting each other now or anything he still liked the same kind of sexy, sleek black cars. And he stil lhad both arms.

Mulder looked up from his coffee to see his beautiful Rat baby walk into the FBI cafeteria. Krycek was so beautiful that everyone stopped talking and looked up from their coffee and danishes and silently watched the man walk across the FBI cafeteria to the little table with the white formica top where Mulder and Scully were sitting, drinking their coffee and where Mulder had just looked up from his coffee to watch him.

"What is that?" asked Kryeck. He pointed at the box.

"It is a box." said Scully.

"Scully will not tell us what is in the box," said Mulder. "You have to open it."

"Why?" asked Kryeck.

"Because it is an engagement present." said Scully. Then she felt bad because she realized how deprived Alex had been and how bad his background was and how he didn't really know about anything. "Here, I will show you how to unwrap the present." said Scully. She picked up the box and pretended to untie the ribbon that was on the box.

Alex watched.

When Scully put the box down, Alex picked it up and untied the ribbon, just like Scully showed him. Fox was so happy for him. He smiled with his pouty lips and and his hazel eyes sparkled. Kryeck was so happy taht he managed to untie the boy that he cried.

Then he figured out how to take the paper off by himself. Inside the paper, there was a box. And inside the box there was a plastic thing with six sides and lots of little squares in different colors on it and the little squares moved around.

Krycek through it out the window.

"why did you do that," asked Scully?

"It was a bomb!" screamed Kryeck. "You still hate me and you are jealous because mulder is marring me and not you and you think I killed your sister but it was really that Cuban guy, Luis Cardinale, so you tried to kill me with a bomb!"

"I would never do that!" screamed scully. "I don't hate you anymore even though you did kill Mulder's father and maybe killed my sister and got me abducted and sort of killed Skinner and you are a bad bad man but I have forgiven you for all of that and taht was not a bomb!"

"Well, what was it," asked Kryecke because he was confused because he had never sen anything like that before so he thought it was a bomb and that Scully was trying to kill him.

"It was a toy," said Scully. "Because you never had any toys in that Consortium Orphanage in Russsia that you grew up in. It was a toy for adults called a Rubrik's cube and you move the little squares around until the colors are all mixed and then you move them back until you have all the colors back right where they belong again and you have a perfect cube."

"Oh said Kryeck."

victoria Amborias went and got the Rubrik's cube and brought it back in and they were all friends again. So Mulder said let's go home and have sex again.

Krycek cried.

End of Part 23a.1

Part 23a.2 is going to be really exciting! Here is a sneak preview! It is kinky, hint hint!


"Are you going to spank me tonight?" asked Kryeck. He was pouting. Just like Mulder pouts with that big, pouty lower lip that he has that looks so good when he pouts.

Yes, because you have been bad and didn't know how to buy lettuce correctly because you were raised in a Consortium Orphanage in Russia and you didn't ask me how to buy lettuce. So I am going to spank you and have sex with you. That will teach you!" said Mulder.


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